Run
by Ryeloza
Summary: She's always been a runner; he just can't see the truth.  Post-ep for "Secrets That I Never Want to Know."


**Disclaimer: **I've written dozens of _Desperate Housewives _fics now, and I haven't tried to claim it was mine yet. This one isn't going to be an exception to that rule.

**Story Summary: **She's always been a runner; he just can't see the truth. Post-ep for "Secrets That I Never Want to Know."

**Run**

A story by **Ryeloza**

**i.**

She runs.

People don't see her that way, she knows. To the world around her, she is steady and reliable, never-changing, grounding. It's why her friends never remember to ask her how she's doing. It's why her kids don't notice her red-rimmed eyes or melancholia.

They like that she is stable. They can't—_won't_—see her as a runner.

Even Tom, who knows her better than anyone, has never been able to see her that way. To him, she has always been a rock, his rock, and she knows this because he's told her time and again. Like it's a compliment; something to be proud of. Something she was proud of because it was more than she ever thought she could be, and somehow she convinced herself it was true. And she thinks maybe that is why this isn't working any more.

Because the illusion is shattered. It is gone. And you can't be grounded by what no longer exists.

Run, run, run away.

Part of her is mad at him. Mad for never seeing her for what she truly is. Mad because maybe for a little while he made her believe she was better than she ever could hope to be. Mad because he still doesn't know the truth.

She's never been his rock. It's always been the other way around. He is the only safety she's ever known, the only stability, the only consistency…

He is everything.

But he was—is—slipping away from her. He's changing before her eyes. He's unhappy, and all she can see in that unhappiness is her own reflection, which shouldn't be surprising, but it is. It's just another reminder of how unlovable she truly is, and even though she'd always feared seeing that truth reflected in Tom's eyes some day, it hurts so much more than she ever thought it could.

So she runs. She runs before he can realize the truth. She runs first because she won't be able to survive otherwise.

**ii.**

She is selfish.

She runs to him like a small child frightened of the boogyman, knowing that he will hold her and comfort her and just be _him_. Whatever has been said over the past few months, whatever cruelty will haunt them forever, she knows the truth. Deep down he is still the same man who always picks her up and holds her and tells her that she is going to be okay.

Because he hasn't made her tell the kids yet, even though he wants to.

That's how she knows.

She knows he won't turn her away.

Being that close to him, her heart pounding, adrenaline beating furiously through her veins, she can feel her body overtaking her mind. He wants her; she can see it plain as day. And she needs him.

So, so selfish.

She kisses him. Kisses him in a way that she never has before. Kisses him like she's taking everything from him and giving nothing in return.

**iii.**

She is cruel.

She needs him, wants him, loves him, but none of that matters now that she's seen the truth.

(Now that he's seen the truth. Now that he sees that she's selfish and horrible and controlling and mean and weak and needy and so, so flawed. She is no one's rock, and he finally knows that.)

She finally knows.

And no matter if he still loves her or still wants her, he no longer needs her, and that breaks her again and again and again. It makes her cold. It makes her cruel.

She can't live a life this one sided, where he is everything and she is nothing. Where he has all the power to destroy her and she has none. It makes her feel like a child again, hopelessly dependent on her mother and unable to fight back. She can't live that life again. She can't live with the constant fear that he will hurt her, leave her, control her…

She can't.

**iv.**

She runs.

What other choice does she have?

* * *

><p><strong>An: **Up until the last minute, I really wasn't sure whether or not I would watch the premiere, but I did. And the truth: I'm glad I did. Even if it is only temporary, even if next week's episode destroys what little faith has been restored in this show for me, that is the most I have enjoyed watching an episode in a long, long time.

For me, though, I felt that tonight's episode was slightly incongruous with where the show left off. Tom was so cold, removed and angry in the last episode of the season, and I'm not entirely sure how he got from that point to where he was tonight. And then on top of that, I didn't think it was clear why Lynette didn't want to get back together and work on their problems; why did she feel that they had to stay separated, especially given how much she needed him? This was my way of trying to explain that (the latter, not the former; I might do another fic that goes into Tom's mind).

(Also I feel a bit cheated that we didn't actually get to see them tell the kids, although strangely that was also the scene I was most dreading.)

Anyway, as always, I would love and be most appreciative of any feedback from you all. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to let me know what you think!

-Ryeloza


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